"He said you gained weight in front of everyone..."Florida 7/16/22
XIV. Skin
You put on your outfit for the day and brushed back your hair. Lighter make-up because you’re feeling more comfortable in your skin these days.
You were excited because you were going to your favorite place, the botanical gardens. You helped load the car and when you got there you were in awe. The day had been great so far. As lunch approached you guys headed for the cafeteria. But his insensitivity changed the day.
He said you gained weight in front of everyone. When you said “No, not really” he confirmed it again. A rush of embarrassment came over you and you instantly wanted to cry. You were hungry but now you just felt sick inside. So you grabbed a salad instead.
Not really there anymore you tried to hold back the tears in your eyes. As they went about their lunch you began to regret the shorts you picked out that day.
You were only in town for a short period but after that moment you were ready for flight. His words rang in your ear the rest of the time. You no longer felt comfortable in your skin. How did you not notice? You began to question, but your jeans still fit the same. So, you began to look at your photos, and suddenly your eyes changed.
He was right, "Look at my thighs." Let me stop you right there because we're not going that way. At this time in your life, you were happy. You just moved to the Sunshine State. He only saw you maybe once a year. His words have no power over you. You don’t have to buy two sizes bigger; now they’re just baggy.
Fast forward a few years, and your life is spiraling. You’re losing your will to live. You’re having trouble eating because the depression makes you sick. Just getting by is now where we are. The Sunshine State has lost its spark.
Another trip because you need to get away. "You’re skinny now", "You look great," recalling the last time I was there when I gained weight. If they only knew you’d hardly eaten in months. But you’re good at pretending, so you politely, "Thank you".
Maybe it's time to be more honest. Maybe it's just the culture—honest to a fault? Maybe we should just stop. Let's be honest, they don't know you. They don't know the hell you've been through…let’s just let that one go.
But I think there's a message in these two stories: it's hard to see internal pain; it's easy to mask. And let's not forget the power of words, they breed both life and death. We should all be more aware. They taught you a lesson about what not to do.
People are much more than the skin they wear. How you see yourself began to change when you asked God to show you what He saw, and started asking, "How can I love myself that way?"