V. Lonely Hallways
That pit in your stomach as the bus pulls in. It’s a dreaded moment that you continuously re-live. Day after day there's a weight that you carry—stack on the books, and the pressure for A’s—it’s all a little too much and it’s making you weary.
The tears feel like they never end but at school, they are not your friend, so you push them so deep your stomach feels weak. You know the school tiles like the back of your hand because you wouldn’t dare look up to try to make a new friend.
Everything's different now, you thought bringing the darkness into the light would set you free, but it only feels worse. Now lunchtime is a nightmare. “Where do I go?” Pretend to look busy in the library and fake a smile or hide in the bathroom when the library doors are locked. Just make it look like you are happy, don’t let them see.
Headphones blaring sad tunes all day, I think you're getting used to the pain. To say it’s a comfort might be too extreme, but from where I look at you, it's sickly serene.
To say you never laughed is not entirely true. I saw moments where your eyes lit up too. I just wish we remembered them more. I wish we soaked up the joy.
My love, I know it seems so far away, but these short years are all but a page. A page in your story, the greatest you’ll ever tell. Good things take time, and one day you’ll see this was all in God’s plan to set you free.
Florida
7/16/22